Seeing how I always manage to forget which fork to use whenever I am attending one of those fancy-shmancy dinners all ya'all faculty members have, I thought I should do a bit of internet research so I would never have to sit at your table, with my heart pounding loud enough to be heard for five city blocks, waiting for someone else to pick up the proper fork. I know this must have happened to someone else out there, because I refuse to believe that I am the only socially inept dork that exists.

Since I am nice (and have nothing else to write about), I decided to post some of my findings.

First, for those of you who love to laugh at the expense of others (which is bad etiquette in my books, but what the fuck do I know, I don't even know which fork to use) here is a website called "Etiquette Hell". This website lists some of the things that people have done/experienced/witnessed. The flames on the front page are kind of scary, but if you have bad etiquette don't shy away from some of the stories that are listed, maybe something will sound a little toooooo familiar.

If you have good etiquette and have skipped over the above, here is another website that seems a bit more friendly. The EtiquetteGrrls, first of all, have no scary flames to deal with. However, the do have a part of the website called See you in Hell that lists a couple of offensive things. I am sure the following quotations from their website is bound to make someone indignant, so see above about me and etiquette (bound to have changed by the end of this post)

"Harvard. To date, the EGs have only met THREE Harvard graduates whose egos could fit in the same room with them and who could hold a decent conversation. And the EGs have met a heck of a lot of Harvard alumni..."

Yale: Hmmm. Would a GOOD college let in the likes of Kellie Martin, Claire Danes, and Jennifer Beals? Plus, it's in New Haven, where people get shot."

and

'"Athletic Scholarships." The last time the EGs checked, getting an 800 on your SAT does not a scholar make. If you earn a Real Scholarship for Being a Scholar, and then Play Sports, more power to you, but please, let's not get Intelligence and Athletic Ability mixed up here."

Anyway, there are too many plugs for their book for me to hang around too long. Not that I begrudge self-promotion, but I just don't have the time to deal...I am doing very serious and important research here.

Ok, here is a diagram for those needing assistance on either how to set a proper table, or how to figure out which fork. For those needing further assistance, here is a confusing explanation from the website:

When served a salad as the main entrée, use your dinner fork or entrée fork. Also, if your salad is served as a side dish on your main entrée plate, use your dinner fork. Otherwise, use your salad fork for your salad!

What the hell is an entrée?

Just kidding.


Anyway, hope this has been of assistance. Please feel free to post your own stories of bad etiquette below so I don't feel bad.






Maybe I should go buy one of those books I mentioned above.