This is the decision facing my father: Stay at home to take former super-star athlete daughter to get part of her foot chopped off, or go with his elderly alcoholic father on an overseas flight to attend the funeral of the person who was the closest thing he ever had to a sibling.

An e-mail from my mother has just informed me that he will be staying at home, so Al Co Holic grampy will be navigating his way around the world all by himself.

I have this terrible fear that grampy will not return at all.

I hate being this far away from my family. As always, other siblings and family manage to be together while I am off doing other things. Family and I did not talk for very long time, and now that there is this truce/reconciliation process/re-claiming of love that has been going on over the last four years, I feel this gnawing emptiness for all of those other years lost.

I feel this terrible guilt for not being there to give a hug.

I feel this terrible need to be hugged.


the phone just ran with more sad news...i think i need to unplug the phone and disconnect the computer.