Just so you know, I find the whole "faculty wife" moniker so offensive that I taste vomit in mouth every time I hear it.

I do not recall the first time I heard it--but one of the early times was when it was being applied to an ABD (male) who was partnered up with a PhD in a tenure-track position. He freely used the term to describe himself, yet the shame he felt would cloud his eyes. (as if life was not complete without the PhD...I mean without the book contract for the dissertation...I mean the post-doc...I mean the tenure track position...I mean being granted tenure...I mean without receiving that grant...I mean without the administrative position...etc etc etc)


I am convinced he was attempting to show that he wasn't "emasculated" by the position he found himself in. In any case, he sure cooked one fine meal (and kept a neat house!)



tongue in cheek, my friends, tongue in cheek.

Anyway, the faculty wife comments began for me once my partner had secured a tenure track position. I believe I was sitting with a room full of female academics when the attention suddenly turned on me (me=student, different university, and no--that is not how the partner and I met).

"How does it feel to be the faculty wife now, X?"

The walls in the room began to close in on me, as a cacophony of laughter and giggles reached my ears. Make it stop, make it stop...good lord make it stop. I thought you were feminists...I thought you were nice...I thought you were committed to anti-oppressive work.. why are you using heterosexist, exclusive terminolgy that dennotes a state-sanctioned relationship (depending on the country and the state/province/mood of the powers that be) between a man and a woman. At least have the common courtesty to call me a faculty 'partner'. Yeah, I know, it doesn't carry the same je ne sais quoi....


Oh, I know they were teasing, and that they meant well, but I cannot shake it from my head.

I am a faculty wife.

How the hell did this happen?