once upon a time...

once upon a time, I had lofty goals of balancing "real" life with "academic" life. I felt such hostility to the academy as I watched tp spend hour after hour working, with no break in sight. We would go to the lake in the summer and TP would bring books or whatever happened to be the item requiring attention for that day and I would think "grrr. I can't believe that TP won't take a break" or some other (much harsher) sentiment. I would rail against (in my mind) the way that such intense focus on work would interfere with health, with friendships, with the ability to interact with the "outside" world. While the level of work was just intense for me (I was working -at times- three jobs and taking a full course load) in the summers, and sometimes on weekends, I would take the day off and have fun...

I realized in the last couple of days that all visions I had of me managing to balance between school and "real" life have flown out the window and I too am following in those unhealthy footsteps. I think I have a much better understanding of the pressure TP had and how it becomes impossible (or can become impossible) to shut it off.

I also realized how unhappy many of my cohort is.

The question is...does the academy attract people who are unhappy, or does it make us unhappy? Are we immersed in books so we can ignore the outside world, or do the books make us so unhappy that it is impossible to relate to the footloose and francy free ways of those who aren't constantly analyzing the meaning of every little thing that surrounds them?

I can't shut it off.

Good lord, please make it stop.