What to wear?

What does one wear to a new faculty reception? Looking through my closet leads me to believe a trip to the mall may be in order.

Oh.

Right.

No money.

Ok, back to the closet.

Hmmm. I am guessing the S&M gear, while suitable for encouraging one's partner to finish the dissertation (you have been a naughty, naughty ABD---now write), is not appropriate dress to meet the president of the university.

Oh god, the knots are already forming in my stomach.

Bring on the advil and the pink chalky healing liquids.